I Love Us
by adrianalazarey
Summary: Two years into his Captaincy of the Enterprise, Jim receives a life-changing letter.  Entry for the Sweethearts Challenge on the Jim and Bones livejournal community, Prompt: ones sends Jim a Secret Admirer letter on Valentine's Day, from Jim's POV.


**Title: ** I Love Us.

**Word Length: **3755

**Rating:** PG-13

**Prompt**: #5 - GUESS WHO: Bones sends Jim a Secret Admirer letter on Valentine's Day, from Jim's POV. This was written for the Sweethearts Challenge on the Jim and Bones livejournal community.

**Prompt Partner:** **caera1996** with Bones' POV in The Letter. Check out my livejournal to find the link.

**Disclaimer: ** No ownership of Star Trek is claimed, to my infinite sadness.

**Author's Note:** Personal reasons means that this was done at the last minute, but I was determined to have it finished before the deadline. This means that there was no time for a beta; I'll have someone read through it eventually I'm sure, but for now all mistakes are mine.

**Summary:** Two years into his Captaincy of the Enterprise, Jim receives a life-changing letter.

* * *

James Tiberius Kirk was quietly proud of the fact that he was excellent at reading people; reading bodies, reading relationships, reading situations.

Except for the fact that James T Kirk wasn't really quietly proud of anything. Sure, people underestimated him because of his carefree attitude during the Academy, but proving them wrong was one of his favourite things to do, and it wasn't really something he ever did _quietly_.

And while he was good at reading people, it wasn't something that came naturally to him. He had to work at it, put the effort in. It was what made him a (surprisingly, which he did crow about) good diplomat as Captain of the Enterprise. He go to know what others wanted, and how to get what the Federation wanted out of them. His first two years as official Captain had been mostly successful, and it was in no small part because of his people skills.

Outside of his professional life, Jim paid attention. To people he wanted to sleep with mostly, and well, unless someone was actively acting weird around him, that was about it really. He tried harder around certain people, like Spock, because his Vulcan ass was _really_ hard to read, but didn't bother too much with people he knew and trusted, those he saw every day. He'd be able to see if something was wrong with them, and then he could investigate.

In retrospect, he probably should have noticed that something was weird. He really should have been paying enough attention to see this coming.

* * *

Bones was having a very happy rant to Jim about Valentine's Day and its inherent evils during lunch, which Jim was only half listening too. As Bones' best friend, Jim had heard this rant every year since they had met, and it varied little. Jim could understand the sentiment of a divorced man hating Valentine's Day, but Jim found it rather romantic.

Jim countered it this year the same way he had last year, though his protest was mild at best. "Come on Bones, we're on a starship. We have to see the same people day in and day out; having a few holidays to break the monotony is a good thing. Besides, at least this holiday is non-denominational." It was best not to get Bones started on small minded people focusing on Earth holidays, American holidays. At least Uhura wasn't in hearing distance; she was even worse than Bones on that topic.

Bones snorted reproachfully. "Right, because there's nothing denominational about _Saint_ Valentine."

He prodded at the vegetables on his plate, sticking some broccoli in his mouth. Jim wrinkled his nose, but ate his own (Bones supplied) vegetables without even a prod from the other man. It had only taken a year on board, but Jim was finally eating vegetables as 'required' by his CMO. Jim he was very happy with this progress, and brought it up with Bones often. Bones was less than impressed.

"Come on Bones," Jim said, voice still mild. "It could be worse. Despite all the love surrounding you, it's not as though you're forced to be part of it. Not like Christmas. Remember the mistletoe?"

Bones turned red, glaring at Jim. Jim grinned back, blue eyes twinkling unrepentantly. Bones scowled harder.

"You agreed to never mention that again."

"Did I?" Jim said, as though he needed reminding. He laughed softly at the look on Bones' face and continued eating his lunch. Thinking over the holiday, the letter in his pocket, he spoke again without thinking. "It's not too bad. It's romantic."

Bones looked up sharply. "What?"

Jim grimaced, he really should know better than to say something like that to his best friend. The man actually was a romantic, Jim had seen it before, but he never did like to admit it. It was much easier to be cynical than to own up to it, after all. Especially when he could bring up all the bad points about being married and being in love, and it was surprisingly hard to refute that. Or at least Jim didn't like to.

Bones was looking at him expectantly, and it was Jim's turn to squirm. "I just mean, it's a chance to be romantic. For someone you care about. Maybe let someone know you care about them. You know," he waved a spear of asparagus on his fork around as he spoke. "Romantic."

Bones looked at Jim as though he had asked him to spend every waking moment playing chess against Spock, eating fried foods and petting a kitten. Jim's words were apparently beyond understanding.

He squirmed a little more, and then blurted out the truth. "I got sent a Valentine's Day letter."

Bones sharpened his gaze, looking over Jim thoughtfully. His lips twitched, in amusement Jim thought, before he spoke. "Some poor crew member sent you a Valentine's Day card?"

"No. Well, yes, that too," Jim corrected, thinking of the blushing girl down in Engineering who had thrust a card at him and run off to her giggling friend. "But I mean, a letter from a secret admirer."

Bones turned quiet. "You have a secret admirer? Any ... any idea of who it is?"

Jim frowned and thought, mind going over a list of people in his head. It had been refined since when he first read the letter, who it could be from that knew him so well to send it. Who would say things like that. There were some people who were crossed off immediately, but he really wasn't close to finding a strong suspect.

"Not really," Jim said, and thought Bones looked disappointed. Jim snickered inwardly; he might complain about his nurses sometimes, but Dr. McCoy was as big a gossip as any of them.

Bones stood abruptly from the table. "I should go," he said simply, eyes focused on the tray in front of him and not looking at Jim at all. "Let me know if you figure it out, okay?"

"Okay," Jim agreed easily, more focused on his lunch than on his friend. "Still on for drinks tonight?" Ever since they became friends it had been a Valentine's Day tradition for them to get together. Despite any respective engagements they had had with partners at the time (more for Bones than Jim, who found asking someone out for Valentine's Day to be a mistake of epic proportions), they always seemed to end up together at some point during the day to spend time drinking. No reason for this year to be any different.

Bones grunted out an agreement and left, Jim watching him idly before he bussed his own tray.

* * *

Bones was a little late that night at coming over, but not long enough for Jim to worry about it. Paperwork was a bitch, and the CMO had nearly as much as he did. Jim found it funny that in all his moto speeches about the job, Pike had never mentioned how much paperwork there actually was. Captains should be out doing more important things, shouldn't they?

(He had tried to delegate his paperwork to Janice once actually, but it hadn't worked. It had almost made him regret allowing Janice to speak freely around him, because boy had she taken advantage of it. The words she had used, well, Jim was impressed. And scared, but mostly impressed.)

The time didn't worry Jim, but the chime at his quarters did. Jim looked up in question at the door, dropping his PADD on the couch next to him and moving towards his door. He opened it, expecting Janice maybe, or one of the other crew needing to talk to him, but to his surprise it was Bones.

He blinked at Bones, tilting his head in confusion. "Uh, hey?" he said, more of a question as to why Bones didn't just come in than a greeting, especially since Jim was expecting him. Personal restrictions between Jim and Bones were few and far between; from the beginning of the time at the Academy they had open entrance to each other's rooms. Or Jim had opened up Bones' entrance early on, and Bones had given up on keeping him out and demanded reciprocity instead. That hadn't changed since coming on board the Enterprise, and definitely not when they made plans for drinking and relaxing together.

And yet here he was, standing outside Jim's door looking distinctly uncomfortable and hesitant. Jim had no idea what was going on here, and the two of them managed to stare at each other for a good twenty seconds before either of them did anything.

"Bones?" Jim finally asked, watching as Bones' face turned not certain, but determined. His shoulders squared, his back straightened; Jim rather thought that he was looking at Jim the way he looked at transporter pads before going planetside. As though Jim was some fear to be conquered.

"Can I come in?"

"Ah, yeah," Jim said, moving away from the doorway to allow Bones entrance. Blue eyes looked over his best friend curiously from behind, noting the increased tension racking his body. Jim frowned, closing the door and moving towards Bones. "Hey man, is something wrong?"

Bones didn't bother turning around, allowing Jim to notice the way his head bowed down just a little, as though hiding. Jim narrowed his eyes as he looked Bones over more carefully, trying to figure out what was wrong with his friend. They stood in silence, Bones staring at some unknown distance in Jim's room, Jim's staring straight at Bones, for entirely too long to make Jim feel comfortable. Frowning harder, he moved forward and placed a gentle hand on Bones' back, pressing lightly against him. "Hey-"

Bones seemed to press back at the initial touch of Jim's hand, but as soon as he tried speaking again the brunette moved away, taking a big step forward and spinning around. Jim was left with his hand gone cold, arm hanging uselessly in the air. He looked at Bones in confusion and a little hurt, and put both hands into his pockets.

He felt rejected by Bones, who had never shied away from physical contact before. They were both very physical people by nature, and maybe he had shrugged Jim's comfort off once or twice, pulled away from a hug or two (more just recently, actually), but not moving out of his space like this. Plus, he was looking at Jim as though Jim was going to attack him or something.

"I need to – I need to tell you something," Bones spat out, looking supremely uncomfortable. Jim's brow furrowed before he forced it to smooth, trying to look as non-threatening and earnest as possible. The latter wasn't difficult, since he did want to help with whatever was wrong with his best friend.

"Okay buddy, whatever you need. Just let it out," Jim said soothingly.

"I ..." Bones looked straight into his eyes for a long moment before focusing on somewhere near Jim's left ear. It frightened Jim that he had no idea what that look in Bones' eyes meant.

"I sent you the Secret Admirer's letter."

Jim looked blank, so focused on trying to decipher Bones' actions that the words almost didn't register. "Come again?" he asked, because what he heard couldn't really be accurate.

Bones was turning bright red, mostly with anger but there was a fair share of embarrassment there too. "I wrote it. That letter you got, the one we were talking about at lunch, from the Secret Admirer. It was me."

Jim's reply was less than eloquent. "Huh." It was unexpected, sure. But not disappointing.

Jim had thought about this a lot. Well, he had thought about the sex part anyway, mostly because he was Jim Kirk, but also because this was Bones. He already knew just how well the friendship side of things worked; the intimate closeness was already there in their relationship. All that was left to imagine between them was the sex part. Given the two of them, Jim's vast experience, Bones' passion that could so easily be directed into something more productive than yelling, Jim was sure that it would be excellent.

Plus, Bones had gone to the trouble of sending him a _Valentine's Day Letter_. Bones was his _secret admirer_. He hated Valentine's Day, but he had gone to this trouble for Jim. That meant a lot.

"Okay," he said after a minute.

"Oh-okay?" Bones repeated, incredulous. Jim smiled wide at him, nodding his head happily.

"Okay."

"Okay ... I don't even know, what does that mean Jim?" Bones spit out in his usual annoyed tone. It didn't ruffle Jim inwardly or outwardly; his smile stayed firmly in place.

"It means yes."

"Yes? Yes to what? I don't remember asking a question." The annoyed tone was melting into something that sounded suspiciously like hope, the scowl on his face moving to confusion. He might have had a point though; Jim pulled the letter out of his pocket and looked down at it – at the love letter that Bones had sent to him, his Bones – and glanced over it. Bones was right, there technically wasn't a question there.

Technicalities had never stopped Jim Kirk before though. He ignored the other man's sputtering and questioning about what he was doing, talking right over him. "Yes to the offer, then." Simple as could be.

"I ..." Bones shifted on his feet, distinctly uncomfortable. Jim was stuck between smirking at a normally confident, forward Bones feeling wrong footed, and bad for him that he was still so unsure of what Jim had meant. He'd have to fix that.

The letter was safely tucked into his pocket before Jim took a step forward, gratified when Bones didn't move away. His right hand very deliberately moved to Bones' hand, touching the back of it gently, before ghosting his fingers up the other man's arm over the blue material of the over-shirt he hadn't bothered changing out of. Bones couldn't hide the shiver from him, not when Jim was standing that close to him. His smile, once bright and honest, turned shark-like; the touch of his hand turned firmer, pressing down against Bones' bicep and then resting heavily on his shoulder.

Bones turned his head, looked warily at Jim's hand as though it was going to detach and start attacking him. Or doing dirty things to him. He should be so lucky.

He looked back at Jim, openly wary now. "Jim..." he seemed to run out of words after that. That was fine; Jim would happily pick up his slack. Hopefully from now on, in many (or all) arenas.

"You wrote me a love letter," was what he came up with. The words themselves were alright, the teasing tone was good, but he wasn't too happy with the distinct note of awe in his voice right then. There would be plenty of time to deny it later though; Jim had more important things to do right now.

Bones huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, clearly trying to dislodge Jim's hand from his shoulder. It didn't work; Jim's hand just went with the movement of his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. It was firm, all muscle. Very nice. "I did not-"

Jim chose that moment to lean forward and kiss Bones. It was fairly chaste really, but since Bones' instinct was apparently to shut his lips into a tight line, it was the best Jim could do. Right hand squeezed Bones' shoulder again, while his left moved to the bicep of his crossed arms, feeling more hard muscle. The man really did have the nicest arms; Jim would have to take time to explore them properly later. Much later, since Jim had a feeling that once Bones was naked before him, it wasn't his arms that would take his attention. His arms were nice, but they weren't that nice, and he had been looking forward to this for a while now.

Jim was taken from his contemplation of Bones' nice, muscled arms, and other parts of Bones that might be nice and muscled by said Bones being wretched away from him. Bones pulled away forcefully from Jim's body, Jim opening his eyes and blinking in confusion and surprise. He couldn't help but notice the nice flush on Bones' face, the heavy breathing, and most importantly, the fact that Bones pulled his lips away from Jim's last. Jim couldn't help but to notice these sorts of details when every inch of him was attuned to Bones.

"What the hell was that?"

Well, Jim mused, maybe he was only attuned to Bones' body, because he had no idea what was going on in the other man's mind right now. He kept touching as much of Bones as was possible, hands unmoving from his shoulder and arm.

"It was a kiss," Jim replied, voice a little hurt. His technique was quite good, he had been told time and time again. Sure, they weren't normally talking about kissing exactly, but you didn't get as many dates as Jim had had being a bad kisser. And he knew that it hadn't been that long for Bones either, they had been friends at the Academy after all and he could remember the dates, the occasional girlfriend or boyfriend.

Jim frowned. That would have to stop right about now, he thought determinedly. Because Bones was his, his friend first, his friend best, and if they were doing this then Jim was doing this all the way, really making Bones _his_.

Bones huffed out an aggravated breath. "Jim, for god's sake, I don't want you kissing me just because I sent you that letter." He was seriously fidgeting now, shifting on his feet and shifting his shoulders under Jim's hands. "I-"

And seriously, Jim did not have to hear any more of this, because it was far above the normal level of ridiculousness that Bones normally ranted to him about. So he rolled his eyes, slid one hand behind Bones neck to pull them closer, chest to chest, the sudden movement happily shutting Bones up. "Shut up, Leonard," Jim murmured, voice sounding husky even to his own ears, and kissed Bones again.

This time was much better than the last. Something had changed for Bones, apparently, because he wasn't just standing there like a lump, but kissing Jim back. His mouth opened for Jim's tongue, each tilting their heads as though they had done this a million times before. The act itself may have been simple, lips on lips, tongues battling and teeth scraping, but the meaning behind it was so much more. There was so much emotion behind the kiss, all lust and longing and power and wow, Jim was kind of an idiot to not have figured this out before now. He could kick himself for missing out on spending years doing this with Bones. Whatever Jim's technique might be, he could definitely learn some tricks from Bones.

Especially that thing he did with his tongue, pressing to the back of Jim's teeth to make him shiver, then flicking against the roof of his mouth in such a delicious way that Jim moaned, long and low. He moved them closer, and the press of their hips was so perfect that it was hard to resist just rutting against Bones right then and there.

They pulled away just a little when the air finally ran out, just their faces; Jim wasn't ready to let Bones go just yet, and the firm hand holding onto his hip, the one at the small of his back told him that Bones wasn't either. The man in front of him opened his eyes lazily, almost reluctantly.

"I accept your offer," Jim repeated, voice pitched low and intimate. Bones, he was happy to report, looked a little dazed by that kiss. Dazed and confused, all hazel eyes that Jim couldn't look away from, even with the ever-tempting and now bruised looking lips in his periphery. He couldn't remember ever wanting someone this much.

Bones blinked hard, eyes clearing a little, before he bestowed Jim with a smile that made his heart soar and his throat seize. He'd never seen that kind of look on Bones' face before, that level of absolute joy, completely erasing the lines from his forehead. He looked younger and in love and it was wonderful.

"Good," Bones said, and leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

For the record, Jim would just like everyone to know that he was good at reading Bones after all; the sex _was _excellent.

* * *

_Jim,_

_Though traditional doesn't describe you, it seems right somehow to use today to send this message to you._

_You're an amazing man James Kirk, in every way that matters. Confident and cocky, yes, but for a reason. You're strong and brave, and those are qualities that people overlook too often. I can't help but hope to live up to your courage one day, prove myself as you have showed your own worth to everyone._

_From the beginning you were ready to do whatever it took to be the best. Finish four years in three. That determination has done a lot for you too. But you don't do it for the accolades._

_It's your heart I love the best. You care about every single member of your crew, you'd do anything for them if they asked it of you. You'd give up your life for them in an instant, spare them any pain they feel on a mission gone wrong. You'd do whatever it took to get them back home to the Enterprise again._

_You don't always look after yourself though, as though you don't know what you're worth. How much you mean to not just me, but everyone here. You're the best man to lead us that we could ask for, the very best; I am proud to call you Captain. We all are._

_But as a man, you are worth so much more to me. You're worth the most not when you're Captain Kirk, but when you're Jim, my friend. All that arrogance and fortitude and resolve to do whatever it takes. It makes me love you a little bit more every day. You don't have to be perfect to be perfect to me._

_Even though I don't know if I'll ever be able to say this out loud, I have to get it down now, I have to tell you the truth. That I love you. I love us._

_Happy Valentine's Day, Jim._


End file.
